Sunday, May 03, 2009

The Combat Dickie

The Army has regulations and manuals for just about every aspect of a soldier's life. Especially uniforms and appearance.

Your hair can't fall over your ears, your mustache must be trimmed to the edges of your lips, no rolling up your sleeves, your trousers must be bloused no further than three eyelets below the top edge of your boots, etc., etc.

It's all rather inflexible and ruthlessly enforced.

Which brings me to the weather.

Do you know what the standard Army uniform is for cold weather?

Camouflage tops and bottoms, heavy boots.

Moderate weather?

Camouflage tops and bottoms, heavy boots.

Screamingly hot, 140F-in-the-shade Iraqi weather?

Camouflage tops and bottoms, heavy boots.

You get the picture. As I write this in early-May, the temperature outside is steadily climbing. These warm, spring-like days will soon turn into lethally-hot pizza ovens that strangle the life out of anything not cowering in front of an air conditioner.

The innovative soldier, however, can find relief from the Army's oppressive regulations.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you now, for the first time ever, Layer-1 of the Crandall Mark 69 Thermal Management System (no catchy acronym - take THAT, Big Brother!):

The Combat Dickie!

The Combat Dickie offers enhanced airflow and cooling underneath the standard ACU blouse, while still presenting an appearance in line with the regulations laid out in AR670-1.

Best of all, ANY soldier can turn a standard-issue desert-tan T-shirt into a Combat Dickie with a pair of scissors.

Roger that, Sergeant Major!

No comments: